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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Herr Pope

Ratzinger. AKA Pope Benedict XVI. Teutonic to the core. So is Volkswagen. And Mercedez Benz. And Albert Einstein. And Rutger Hauer. German Franks, on the otherhand, might be French.


Dan Brown fans, before you get ahead of yourselves, here's a centuries-spanning skinny of almost all the Benedicts, beginning with Pope Benedict IV, that came, saw and excommunicated...

Benedict IV excommunicated Baldwin II, and started the decline of the Merovingians, alleged bloodline of King David.

Benedict V, "the most iniquitous of all the monsters of ungodliness", raped a hapless waif. The rest is history.

Benedict VI was strangled to death.

Benedict VII used the taxpayer's money to wage war against an antipope. So, what else is new?

So did Benedict VIII, who was eventually driven from Rome.

Benedict IX resigned to marry. He sold the papal office for 650kg of gold. Must be some very hot victorian broad.

Benedict X excommunicated an antipope and got a dose of his own medicine, and then some... was excommunicated, imprisoned, freed, imprisoned.

Benedict XI was poisoned.

Benedict XII went witch-hunting. Not sated, he went against a Catholic pillar of belief, the Immaculate Concepcion. Obviously, he lost.

Benedict XIII, initially called himself Benedict XIV, purely on superstitious grounds.

Now, the true Benedict XIV promulgated many laws which caused many converts to leave the church.

Benedict XV, humanitarian in many ways, but extremely allergic to modernism.


Then, here's Cardinal Ratzinger as Benedict XVI. This could be proof that there's room for sense of humor at the Vatican. Or something else entirely that my IQ can not adequately handle.



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