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Tuesday, August 30, 2005 I will rape, pillage and plunder for an Aston Martin Vantage. But just the same, I will rape, pillage and plunder for premiere movie tickets to The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. With each passing day, my frustration mounts. And if I don't get my Aston Martin or my tickets soon, I'd start pelting innocent bystanders at random with mung bean projectiles..
posted by Alexis at 2:36 AM Monday, August 22, 2005 The wandering spamblogger would find me wearing a long-sleeved rugby shirt today. Just like yesterday. And the day before that. Seeing a pattern emerging, the spamblogger would ask why. Faced with such disarming earnestness, I'd tell him it takes a real man to go without a hanky. Failing to see the wisdom in that, the baffled vagrant leaves, and his chances of spamming vastly improve that very instant. Now that that's off my chest, I now turn to more pressing matters, like the pursuit of truth, justice and breakfast cereal freebies..
posted by Alexis at 9:01 AM Wednesday, August 17, 2005 My sympathies go out to the unfortunate sod who got transmogrified, of all things, into garlic. But compared to the other guy (a lichen, can you believe that?), things certainly could've been worse. Besides, I know this really hot chick who would make Allium vineale a strange bedfellow. Her blog, compulsive eater, says it all. And, if you two hit it off, you know, hand in clove and all things Pablo Nerudaesque, then that's one for the history books. Garlic, the godsend, the proverbial silver lining ... .
posted by Alexis at 10:54 PM Friday, August 12, 2005 I know fait accompli when I see one. Case in point: Brit versus brute. The Caiman has all the bragging rights any muscle-brain would die for. Among these, besides speed and raw power, is the conspicuous absence of social redeeming skills. Mr. Gaiman, on the otherhand, only has his Brit wit going for him. And about a million fans. While it is given that the Caiman will make short work of Mr. Gaiman, little does the Caiman know that among man's throttlehold on superiority as a species is his ability to stick his tongue out as effortlessly as breathing. Or cussing. For the Caiman, inspite of its gormandising talents, this is an anatomical impossibility. True. CNN online says so, and whatever CNN online says, goes..
posted by Alexis at 2:11 AM Wednesday, August 10, 2005 Oh what fate awaits the poor soul who rear-ends a police patrol? The scenario is rife with plots and sub-plots, but leads to only one ending. This blog originally began with the story of one miserable schmuck who got sideswiped by a school bus but lived to tell his tale. The juicier details of his misfortune gave me a deeper appreciation of the optometrist's role in civil society..
posted by Alexis at 11:13 PM Sadly, sad as in Nutra Sweet and lycra, yes, Lycra, there's no room for idealism in the world of mesmers and hypnotists by profession -- Advertising. Not a scrawny inch. But it is not in my nature to fret and bemoan the extinction of one of man's most winning qualities, teeth gnashing and all that, in certain industries. To take my mind off this heart-rending sense of loss, I busy myself unraveling the shady feminist elements who had a hand in the development of the brand name "Hershey's". .
posted by Alexis at 9:48 PM Tuesday, August 02, 2005  My kind of guffaw, courtesy of my kind of bastard, the erstwhile blogger Shlingkeeshiyopaw. He's all buoyant and all heart, I know, but I'm certainly glad to know not everyone is into this fitness thing. ---------- And, speaking of Fornicate Under Command of King, here's a most sincere and heartfelt fuckyeah to all the powers that be who made my step up the corporate ladder as vertigo-free as possible. Today's upgraded paycheck, which, I confess, is slightly less lean and lard-free, brings me no closer to my singular, unoriginal and elusive raison d'etre -- that of being filthy rich. But before I am wrongly accused of being a brazen ingrate, thank you once again, and fuckyeah to you and yours. .
posted by Alexis at 8:41 PM |
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