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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Fear Factor Retail

Spurred into activity by fear of growing roots where I sit and living the rest of my days as an aviary exclusive to sparrows, I braved the afternoon heat with the fortitude of a customer relations officer of a tobacco company. Seeing valor was no substitute to Coppertone, I made way for the nearest convenience store, leaving a cloud of dust and asthmatic seizures in my wake. And what a treasure trove of mass consumption grotesquerie it holds. Mussel chips. Low calorie, less sugar Red Bull Light (that's like Simon being Paula Abdul). Canned Silkworm Pupa. And last, definitely not the least, vibrating condoms.

Though I am impressed by the entrepreneural, no, make that pioneering, spirit behind these over-the-counter curiosities, I chose to defer my purchase of the canned Silkworm Pupa on a later date, when dreaded, I mean, dear cousin Lorie makes an unannounced red carpet visit. It could come in handy.



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