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Monday, November 21, 2005 No man alive can ever lick his elbows. I tell you, absolutely no one. Many have lost life and limb bringing me this piece of information. Same goes for the poor souls who discovered too late that Caymans can not stick their tongues out. I'm quite sure their moment of epiphany was rather short-lived. Ahh, such is the price of wisdom..
posted by Alexis at 10:19 PM Thursday, September 15, 2005  Isn't she? Isn't she? Isn't she? I do not gloat when I say I could rattle off this mantra with the perseverance of Sisyphus and the stamina of ... of ... of ... of a tomcat in heat. The Aston Martin DB9 is just the sort of thing that would unhinge me from ESPN's coverage of Lingerie Football League. Or Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet. Any man unaffected by the passing apparition of the DB9 must either be thoroughly emasculated or has long since left the land of the living. .
posted by Alexis at 10:13 PM Monday, September 12, 2005 As a brief reprieve to launching mung beans at random earth-bound trajectories, and for my own peace of mind, I undertook the pleasure of this mouse-clickfest with shameless relish, personality disorder test, courtesy of compulsive eater. The test result indicated the likelihood of a schizotypal disorder. "Lies! Lies! Lies!" a voice cried out in fervid objection, followed by a chorus of assent. Suppressing an impending uprising, I assured them I'd no sooner believe a meme than feast on Fear Factor gourmet. Once more, a chorus of approvals. See? I am a democracy..
posted by Alexis at 9:46 PM Friday, September 02, 2005 I'm very particular about the goblins I meet. Real goblins. Not those simpering fools you see on MTV. One goblin at home has developed an unhealthy interest in shower heaters. If there's one thing I can not stand next to a drivelling Harry Potter fanboy, it's a cold morning shower. The electrician suspected a gremlin. Otherwise, he found nothing wrong. Taking matters into my own hands, I gave the odious scoundrel an alternative tinker-toy, one I would gladly part with at a moment's notice. To the concerned reader whose household goblins have gone rogue in the same fashion, I am happy to report that the Rubick's Cube works. But, just in case, I have Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace on standby..
posted by Alexis at 3:28 AM Tuesday, August 30, 2005 I will rape, pillage and plunder for an Aston Martin Vantage. But just the same, I will rape, pillage and plunder for premiere movie tickets to The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. With each passing day, my frustration mounts. And if I don't get my Aston Martin or my tickets soon, I'd start pelting innocent bystanders at random with mung bean projectiles..
posted by Alexis at 2:36 AM Monday, August 22, 2005 The wandering spamblogger would find me wearing a long-sleeved rugby shirt today. Just like yesterday. And the day before that. Seeing a pattern emerging, the spamblogger would ask why. Faced with such disarming earnestness, I'd tell him it takes a real man to go without a hanky. Failing to see the wisdom in that, the baffled vagrant leaves, and his chances of spamming vastly improve that very instant. Now that that's off my chest, I now turn to more pressing matters, like the pursuit of truth, justice and breakfast cereal freebies..
posted by Alexis at 9:01 AM Wednesday, August 17, 2005 My sympathies go out to the unfortunate sod who got transmogrified, of all things, into garlic. But compared to the other guy (a lichen, can you believe that?), things certainly could've been worse. Besides, I know this really hot chick who would make Allium vineale a strange bedfellow. Her blog, compulsive eater, says it all. And, if you two hit it off, you know, hand in clove and all things Pablo Nerudaesque, then that's one for the history books. Garlic, the godsend, the proverbial silver lining ... .
posted by Alexis at 10:54 PM |
0.01% ME
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